the third leg

life is not always rosy.  we all experience stress, sadness, hardship, illness, depression, etc...  fortunately, many times we just go through a bad day here and there rather than periods or seasons of it.  but sometimes things get to a point where you just need an outlet, a place either mentally or physically to go to so that you can just let it all out or not think about whatever it is that's weighing you down.

when i was younger and my body allowed for it, i used to use sports as an outlet.  not to play but just to be alone.  there were many nights i would just go to an empty basketball court and shoot free throws and jump shots until was tired.  nothing but me, the ball and the hoop.  or if i wanted to release some agression i might go to the driving range and try to kill the little white ball which usually just ends up killing my back instead.  or if there was too much silence i would get in my car, turn up the music, and drive somewhere.  then there are times were i just want to scream but i couldn't b/c if someone heard me they might get concerned, so i'll just stuff my face into a pillow and let out one of those primal screams.

while all of these things may help me deflect my anger, sadness, anxiety, or whatever in the short term, none of it truly helps.  so then i'll eventually turn to the one thing that i know i should have done in the first place... prayer.

prayer, is it a crutch?  if you're not religious then you would probbably say yes.  me?  i'm a christian and if i'm honest with myself, it is a crutch.  i know a crutch is associated with being weak and helpless.  but you see, prayer is not always about asking for help when your desperate and have no hope.  it's not always about getting answers to things that you have no idea about or finding a direction in your life because you have no clue.  sure, there are those times when i'll pray those prayers too.  but i for me, most of the time i know exactly what i want and how to get what i want because i think ("think" being the key word) i'm smart and resourceful enough to do it. when there are choices to be made i know what i would prefer.  so it's not about being helpness, undecisive, or ignorant.  prayer is not about getting the answers and results that i want, it should be about seeking the answers and plans that God wants for my life and finding a way to do that instead of satisfying my desires.  often times, doing the right thing takes more strength than doing what i want.   usually it's only during difficult times that i really think about what's going on in my life and i pray the way i ought to.  it puts things into perspective and then somehow things start to make more sense.  if God and prayer are the only things that don't leave me feeling empty when life gets tough and my coping mechanisms fail then call it a crutch.  it's the third leg that keeps me up when my own 2 feet aren't enough.

i don't know if i'm making any sense.  i know all of this is easy to say and i know don't usually remember these things myself when i pray.  when things are good, most of my prayers are token prayers and a lot of babbling. it really has been a long time since i truly prayed.  it should have been the first thing i did.  tonight is a good night for a heart to heart.

'cash' brings back memories....

yesterday while shopping at the supermarket i was reminded by the person in front of me on the check out line of what it feels like to live within a budget just because he paid with cash.  he may have tons of cash, i don't know but just the fact that he paid with the lone $20 in his hand for a handful of items made me think about growing up. 

as a kid my mom would send me to "stop 1" grocery store to buy milk, bread or whatever else with either a $5, $10 or $20 depending on how much stuff we needed.  and i remember the times i when i didn't have enough money to pay for everything and had to put stuff back on the shelf.  now that i'm an adult and have magic plastic cards that pay for stuff, i don't think about how much groceries cost.  we typically gather all that we need, go to the check out line, hand them our waldbaum's card, then hand them a credit card to pay.  and although sometimes you get surprised by the total cost you still end up paying because "hey, it's not like i don't have enough cash.  so why not?".

during these tough economic times many ppl will need to consider many cutbacks just to get by.  i think this was a subtle reminder for me.

i really hope everyone is ok during these times.  hopefully we'll all get through it.

made me LOL

the outfit is too tight for him so when he sat down we heard the seams coming apart... LOL

we never made him wear it again but definitely needed to get a picture before taking it off.

hey.... he looks like...

you be the judge...

American olympic gymnast - Jonathon Horton                            Actor - Shawn Pyfrom of Desperate Housewives

Chinese olympic gymnast - Yang Wei                  OCM stud who stall remain nameless for his own protection.  =)

an amazing race and some reflection...

the men's 400m relay was crazy.  the event that was suppose to be the biggest obstacle for michael phelps in winning 8 gold medals ended up being the most thrilling race i've ever seen.

for those that missed it heres a recap.  with about 25m to go jason lezak was still about half a body length from alain bernard, the frenchman who claimed that they will "smash" the americans.  and with sheer willpower, lezak closed in and out touched bernard for the win.  the place went bananas and for the first time in these olympics i cheered out loud.  there were other great moments but this one was definitely the most intense.

now with the 2 tougher races out of the way (the 400m individual medley and 400m freestyle relay) phelps has a much better chance in accomplishing the improbable as he/his team are favored in the other events.  it'll be 2 weeks of staying up late watch the prime time stuff.  they always put phelps towards the end.

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i've always enjoyed the olympics as it puts the talents and efforts of amazing athletes on display for the world to see.  but what amazes me even more than the talents and skills that are on display is the patriotism that many of the athletes have.

being a chinese american i have always rooted for the US and China and often times if forced to choose (gymnastics and diving being the 2 main sports in which there's a rivalry) between the two, i usually gravitate towards the Chinese team unless there's a compelling underdog story.  but i must say that these games are especially meaningful and emotional for me. 

during the opening ceremony i found my on the verge of tears on several occasions.  sure the ridiculous production of the artistic portion of the ceremony was certainly something to be proud of.  with a chance to showcase itself to the world, China spared no expense and left no detail  unattended.  in typical Chinese fashion, it was go big or go bigger for China and will no doubt be remembered for a very long time but that's not what got me choked up. 

what got me choked up was not only seeing each of the countries march and the sense of pride they had in representing their country (which is the case in any of the olympics) but how the chinese crowd cheered for them.  countries like France, Taiwan, Russian and the US, all which have their share of disagreements with China, were cheered just as loudly if not louder than other countries which goes to show the desire of the country and the people of China to have unity with the world.  the olympic slogan for Beijing "one world.  one dream" echoed in the roars of the crowd.  but then as the home countries marched, Hong Kong earlier on and then China to finish, you can't help but sense the pride that filled the heart of every chinese person there.  the significance and magnitude of the moment was not lost on anyone in attendance either. 

maybe not every chinese american feels the same as i do.  when i told my wife i was almost in tears, she was like "really?"  perhaps it's just because i'm a FOB but i will certainly remember these olympics for the rest of my life.